If you’ve just bought a Dirty Pot but don’t know what to put in it, check out these 5 plants that look like genitals.
Or, if you’re itching to get one of these sex-evoking plants but don’t have where to plant it, buy a Dirty Pot and create the perfect match.
1. Hairy Balls – Gomphocarp physocarpus
Plants need to do the hanky-panky, too. But since they’re stuck to the ground, far from each other, they cannot hope for any stem-on-stem action. So, they must get creative when it comes to spreading their seeds like a 60s rockstar.
Hairy Balls are a species of milkweed known as “monkey balls” or “family jewels.” It doesn’t know how human testicles look, but it imitates them perfectly, in and out. Funny enough, it keeps all its seeds in balloon-shaped pods resembling a man’s fun balls. Each seed breaks through the pod through a hair-like extension and waits patiently for a wind gust to carry it away on a patch of fertile ground.
You may want to skip this plant if it reminds you too much of those extra-short shorts your dad wears on hot and sweaty summer days. Eww, indeed.
In nature, Hairy Balls are butterflies’ favorite food. If you take one in, you should give it a fitting home in a Dirty Pot, such as I Like Them Big and Green. We don’t know how many butterflies it will attract, but it will surely draw a few chuckles from your visitors.
2. The Naked Man Orchid – Orchis italica
If you’ve never seen a Naked Man orchid, you’re not missing out. Just close your eyes and remember that summer trip to an Italian nudist beach. This plant’s pretty-in-pink petals look like tiny caricatures of naked men showboating in open view. And, if you look closely between their leafy legs, you’ll notice that they have big, thick reasons to be proud of it.
The Naked Man orchid grows in large clusters all along the North Mediterranean coast. You may find this rude plant flashing you from the bushes when strolling around the Italian coastline or in a rural area of Southern France.
In Ancient times, people were more open-minded about nudity and even displayed it on erotic pottery. Back then, many believed that eating Naked Man orchid flowers would increase virility and boost sexual appetite. Modern medicine says there’s absolutely no evidence of that. So, we don’t recommend that anyone eat an orchid salad if they’re down with a case of Flaccido Domingo.
However, we recommend you check our Dirty Potz to find a suitable planter for your Naked Man orchid, which will look as good in your home as on a sunny Mediterranean shore.
3. Hooker’s Lips – Psychotria elata
This plant is widely known as Lipstick among bookish, sober botanists and as Hooker’s Lips among botanists who spend less time reading and more time bar-hopping through South America. We’ll let you name it what you like, depending on your nightlife experiences.
Psychotria elata is a tropical plant that grows from the broadleaf woodlands of northern Mexico to the southern tips of the Colombian rainforest. Its otherwise bland flowers are surrounded by bold, red bracts that look like you tried to draw the Rolling Stones logo from memory after a night-long bender.
Similar to the human counterpart who lends its name, a Hooker’s Lips doesn’t have much going for it as a plant. It has no detectable scent and only produces small, tasteless, dark berries. Nevertheless, it uses the over-the-top makeup to attract birds and manipulate them into dispersing its seeds around. The gullible birds believe they’re in for a tasty treat, only to shamefully regret their decision later, just like those bar-hopping botanists. So, they drop the tasteless berries on the ground, helping the plant reproduce across large areas.
While it doesn’t resemble human genitals per se, Hooker’s Lips oozes enough sexual vibes to make the list. If you get your hands on this lovely plant, put it in our I’m a Dirty Girl pot for the perfect match.
4. The Butt Plant – Lithops ruschiorum
This plant looks like a tiny, naked man who got stuck head-first into the ground, flaunting his bare buttocks in the air. At a closer look, you will find a cute succulent plant with a jovial personality. Casually nicknamed Butts, the Lithops Ruschiorum grows vibrant, yellow flowers between its hard-rock cheeks. And when you place more of them in the same pot, they will blossom into wonderful, eye-catching derrières.
The Butt Plant originates from the Namibian desert, where it grows in many shapes and sizes. In fact, this rump-like succulent loves rocky areas and dry climates. If you grow it in the right conditions, the butt plant will develop into a collection of small buttocks that vary in color and firmness. Some will have pink shades. Others will be perfectly white and smooth. Also, a few may develop red creases, which make them look like tiny brains.
If you wish to start a succulent collection, get it going with a few butt plants. Just ask your florist for some “flowering stones,” the common denomination adults use for these plants. Then, give them a new home in a Dirty Pot with a fitting name.
5. The Vagina Plant – Clitoria ternatea
There’s no better way to close our list of plants that look like genitals than with the Vagina plant. Those pesky, prude botanists call it Blue Pea or Butterfly Pea. And you can call it either way when showing it to your grandma. However, between us, it’s the vagina plant. Because if you see it bloom once, you will never be able to call it any other name.
Clitoria Ternatea is a perennial plant native to tropical Asia. Like many neighboring shrubs, this plant looks like any other bush for most of the year, except when it blossoms. The “bush” produces eye-catching blue flowers with yellow strikes every late summer. The eye-catching part is the flower’s clitoris-like protrusion, prominent enough to make a nun blush.
You can be sure this plant wasn’t named by a virgin botanist. In its native land, Clitoria Ternatea is heavily used in traditional medicine and as a dye for natural fibers. In fact, the flower’s blue pigment is so strong that it even serves a culinary purpose. For example, the Burmese and Thai cuisines use it to color rice-based dishes and tonic drinks.
The good news is that you can grow the vagina plant at home, as Clitoria Ternatea easily adapts to various environments and requires little care. However, you may occasionally want to trim the bush so your husband can see the flower and finally understand where “the spot” really is.
The vagina plant would look great in any of our dirty potz. However, if we were to suggest a dead obvious one, we would go for You Make Me Wet.
Why Plants That Look Like Genitals Are Perfect for Your Dirty Pot
If you get your hands on plants that look like genitals, do them justice by planting them in dirty potz. These bold plants deserve pots matching their personality and…family jewels. Cheap, plasticky, brown planters do not vindicate their blind courage to lay it all out in the open like that.
A unique, handmade ceramic pot with a kinky message is a better home for rude plants such as these. At Dirty Potz, we honor these brave seedlings through funny pots with a laid-back attitude toward sex and nudity.
So, check our Dirty Potz collection and pick the perfect planter for your plant that looks like genitals. Or for any other plant that looks like…you know…just a plant.